Life Advice
/Health
Cosmetics Compliments Not Meant To Insult
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed a trend about how women compliment each other that I find really insulting.
I have had people say to me, "You're pretty" or "You have nice skin." I thank them and forget about it. However, a few times, I have had women say to me, "Your makeup is so pretty," or "Wow, you really know how to apply makeup well."
I...Read more
I Keep Stumbling Into Proposals!
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twice, now, I have become an accidental intruder on a couple's proposal during my regular walking excursions (after work and on weekends).
The first occurred on the campus of the university where I am employed, near a pad-mounted transformer and busy roundabout. I was willing to chalk my unfortunate presence up to his poor ...Read more
Am I Expressing Empathy, Or Making It About Me?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When friends or co-workers tell me about personal problems or physical issues they are experiencing, and I have had similar issues, I'm at a loss as to whether I should share my experience.
I have often been through the same thing they are describing, or I know someone who has, and I have relayed those experiences in the past...Read more
When You Don't Feel Like Playing The '29 Again?' Game
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just turned 43. I've worked hard to achieve a level of success I'm comfortable with and have taken pretty good care of myself. In short, I am happy to be exactly where I am in life.
When my birthday rolled around, a number of people gave sly winks and said, "Oh, are you 21 now?" or "Turning 30?"
At first, I responded ...Read more
Injured Elbow Meets Meddling Stranger
DEAR MISS MANNERS: While dining alone at a family-friendly restaurant a couple of days ago, I was resting my forearm on the table as I ate my salad. I grew up in a family where we were reminded to keep our elbows off the table, and I still follow that rule when with family or friends. But I'm not as conscious of the rule when eating alone.
...Read more
No Perfect Way To Share Laundry Facilities
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My apartment building shares a communal laundry and storage area with the building next to it. The laundry area has three washers and three dryers that you have to pay to use.
I've noticed that there are people who will use all three machines simultaneously. To me, this feels incredibly rude to the rest of the residents in ...Read more
'i'm Sorry' Doesn't Always Mean 'it's My Fault'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you suggest alternative replies to "I'm sorry" when one hears bad or unsettling news from family or friends?
When one hears "I lost my job," "My husband has cancer" or other bad news, a common response is "I'm sorry" to show our empathy. Yet, "I'm sorry" is a sort of apology, accepting one's responsibility for an ...Read more
Elevator Etiquette: Just Don't Be In The Way
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know this may sound like a silly question, but what exactly is the proper etiquette for getting on and off an elevator? Is there even a proper way?
It seems that when people wait right by the door, it makes for an awkward moment when the doors open. But I, too, am guilty of waiting right at the door.
GENTLE READER: Rather ...Read more
Just Ask If I Want To Meet Up -- Not 'you Busy?'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a couple of friends who text me infrequently. Their texts are always things like, "You home?" "Whatcha doing?" "You busy?"
I never know how to respond. If I say "Yes, I'm home" or "I'm doing nothing," they then ask if I want to get together for a drink. Since they have already established that I am not busy, it seems ...Read more
Restaurant Redo Misses The Mark
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A restaurant outside of town, which was known for pizza and wine, has reworked their menu and changed it to pricey steaks and fine dining-type items. We went to try it out, and it was absolutely awful. Prices had shot up sky-high, though the interior remained unchanged from when it was a pizza place.
I would have been more ...Read more
How Dare My Friend Withhold Food I Didn't Ask For!
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently visited an elderly friend for the first time since the pandemic. Before my visit, she asked me what I would like to eat.
I didn't know how to answer that. Since I was going to go somewhere else after my visit, I told her not to worry about it; I would get something to eat later.
Just when I was about to leave her ...Read more
Cake-Serving Protocol
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was helping serve the cake at a birthday party. A few dozen guests were seated throughout the main part of the house, and we were bringing cake and ice cream to their seats. The host is a hospitable soul who would never take the first piece of cake while his guests were still waiting.
I think that two of his elderly ...Read more
Keep It Simple: 'i'm Throwing A Party'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm pregnant and want to have a party celebrating this new stage in life. I do not want any gifts. I do not want the burden of hosting to fall on another person. I definitely do not want to do a gimmicky "gender reveal." I just want to host a party celebrating this moment.
What on earth do I call this party? It's not a shower...Read more
Don't Ask Friends For Donations
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I set up a charity a few years ago to provide cultural activities for disadvantaged children. We are both retired and see this as an opportunity to give back.
The charity has grown quickly, and my husband is now keen to start sending our friends fundraising letters, asking for donations.
Our friends know we ...Read more
With Friends Like These ...
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine is getting married and I'm over the moon for her. She's been planning an extravagant overseas wedding for almost three years now.
As a really close friend of the bride, I'd anticipated being asked to be a bridesmaid. That day never came, as I watched post after post of less-close friends receiving pretty ...Read more
'gift Of The Magi' Goes To Lunch
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I took a friend out for a nice lunch to thank her for supporting me through a hard time. At the restaurant, she looked through the entire menu and picked the least expensive dish.
I encouraged her to order whatever she wanted, including any appetizers, but she seemed too shy. I was raised to spend less than the person ...Read more
Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Or At Least Ignored
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Following a snowstorm, I went to clean off my car in its space in a reserved lot. An older woman who parks in the adjacent space was doing the same. As I was shoveling out my space, she was knocking snow off her car and letting it pile on the ground.
I understand that older people face physical challenges, as I am in my mid-...Read more
Hard To Believe: Yacht Club Members Acting Like Snobs
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's old boss and his wife invited us to join a local yacht club. Ever since we joined, the wife has been bubbling with snippy comments about my grooming and hairstyle, alluding to where I may have purchased my clothing, and making numerous misguided class-oriented statements.
She seems to have brought me into the ...Read more
Guest Doesn't Deserve The Good China -- And Doesn't Get It
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A boy I knew in college, but was not close friends with, recently moved to my city, and we decided to meet to reconnect. He brought pastries and I served tea on my patio.
When I brought out my blue tea set, he made some off-putting remark about the situation not requiring me to "break out my best china." The tone of it was ...Read more
Older Grad Student Faces Condescending Attitudes
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just began a full-time grad program that is small, demanding -- and excellent. I am 73 and my cohorts are in their 30s, and I haven't noticed any particular gap in our views nor any alienation from the others. I am just absorbed in the reading, writing and discussions, like we all are.
My concern centers on others' ...Read more