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Husband Talking to My Best Friend

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: I own a bar with my best friend. We work great together. I've been married for five years, and yesterday, my business partner showed me messages from my husband. He gave her his phone number and said if she ever wants to talk, she should call. He is in no way associated with our bar. They are friends through me. I am very upset he did this. I confronted him, and he said he was just being nice. However, I'm still mad and hurt he did this. Should I just overlook this as his being friendly, or do I have a reason to be upset? -- Aggravated

Dear Aggravated: These sorts of situations can function as Rorschach tests for relationships: What you see can reveal a lot about your headspace. There's nothing inherently wrong with your husband reaching out to your business partner, so it's worth asking yourself why your first instinct was to suspect something inappropriate. Are there past trust issues that you haven't resolved? (Remember that "trust" doesn't just mean trusting each other not to cheat but also trusting that you can be vulnerable.)

Or perhaps your husband knew that your friend would show you the messages, and he was trying to get your goat. Or maybe he was flirting with her, as you suspected.

Whatever the case, the only way you'll find the real answer -- and a real solution -- is through open and honest conversation with your husband. Marriage counseling can create the space for that to happen, and it can also help you identify the path forward. Give it a try.

Dear Annie: I understand "Employee for the Moment's" concerns about having to work in unsafe conditions during the pandemic. Before she judges her employer so harshly, however, I believe she should consider how difficult it has been keeping a business going during a pandemic. Her employer has to look at the bottom line and fight to keep his product (whatever it is) selling in a difficult market. Perhaps he, like so many business owners, is facing layoffs and even shutting the doors of the business. Perhaps she should consider that he had to get tough to survive and that he was fighting to maintain her job and paycheck as well as his own.

That does not justify unsafe conditions but may explain why a respected employer would appear to consider the business before the employee. As you said, there is redress for unsafe conditions. If she considers these things and still feels the same, she should move to a new job. -- Not Business as Usual

Dear Not Business as Usual: You bring up a great point: Small-business owners have been put through the wringer this past year, and it's not right that so many should lose everything they've built because of circumstances outside their control.

 

If you're a small-business owner and haven't researched the aid available to you lately, I encourage you to visit the following website: https://www.sba.gov/funding-programs/loans/coronavirus-relief-options. You can also call the U.S. Small Business Administration at 800-659-2955.

Dear Annie: I am writing in response to "Missing Mom's" letter about trying to get over the loss of her mother. That quote you printed is on the spot. I wish to reassure Missing Mom she is perfectly normal; a horrible thing has happened to her. I am 55 years old. I lost my mom 15 years ago and my dad 11 years ago. I still have my moments, and I feel like I always will. I cry a little, or I bawl; I have such priceless memories of them. A man once said to me, "Grief can sneak up on you." It always can. I offer Missing Mom my condolences. -- Mary J.

Dear Mary: So many people reached out to express a similar sentiment. The responses have been a reminder that although grieving can feel so lonely, we are not alone.

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"Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie" is out now! Annie Lane's debut book -- featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

 

 

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