Let Go of First Love
Dear Annie: I've been seeing this guy, "David," on and off for almost a year and a half and we have this long-distance relationship going on. This is my very first relationship, but he's been with a few women in the past. While we can't see each other as often as we'd like, I intend to fix that this fall semester, since I'll be transferring to a college that is closer to where he lives. I'm really looking forward to watching football games together and bringing him to college parties with me.
The bottom line is that I've grown to really have feelings for him. In fact, I think I love him. But sometimes when we talk, he reminds me that I'm not going to be the only woman in his life. He tells me that he plans to come home one day to children -- and two women.
He says he would like to start seeing someone else while still dating me. Although it kind of breaks my heart, I'd still want to be in that relationship with him. I said I'd be there for him no matter what happens because I love him so much. And I said that I'm fine with another woman. But really, I don't think I am.
There are many great things about David: He does his "boyfriend duties." He's there for me when I'm sad, when I need to rant, when I just need to feel loved. We text each other a lot when we're both not too busy. I know he has work, and he works on recording music after work, which can make life pretty busy. So some days we don't talk to each other, which I totally understand.
I don't want to let go of him because he's become such a big part of my life already.
I want him to be happy and achieve his dream of living with two women, so I wouldn't mind if another woman is involved. And if it ever got to be too much for me, I could just leave him (and take any children we have with me and be a single mom), right?
I don't know what I really feel. I want to be with him, but I don't want to fight for his attention. Am I selfish in a way for wanting my man to myself, to not have to share him with another woman? What should I do? -- In Between
Dear In Between: This will never work, no matter how hard you try. You are clearly not OK with the idea of Mark having a second girlfriend (and who would blame you). Break it off, and the sooner the better. You'll feel lonely for a little while, but not nearly as lonely as you would beside someone who can never love you the way that you need.
I know this is your first relationship, and you can't imagine yourself with anyone else. But there will be someone else -- someone who will think it's a dream come true to date just you.
Dear Annie: I received my stimulus check in my account two days ago. I feel very blessed. Though I'm not rich by any measure, I am retired, so I have a steady income, my house is paid for and I have no outstanding debt. Yes, I have expenses: I just paid almost $2,000 for car problems. But I am only losing my "cushion" during this economic crash. I'm not afraid of losing my home, struggling to feed my children or paying my bills. I am donating at least a part of my check to Dare to Care Food Bank and have challenged my friends to do the same -- to donate to their preferred charities. Will others join in? -- Grateful and Want to Share
Dear Grateful: Your generosity is inspiring. This is a wonderful idea for those who can manage it. Thank you for writing.
"Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie" is out now! Annie Lane's debut book -- featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.