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DNA Tests Make Racial Heritage Undeniable

Abigail Van Buren on

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband was the product of an extramarital, interracial relationship. Both of the parents who raised him are white, and he has always denied he was biracial despite the obvious physical characteristics that say otherwise.

Our two beautiful teenage children were raised to believe they are white. We recently took ancestry tests, and what I believed to be true has been confirmed. My children have 25% African DNA.

For this reason, since our divorce, my children have been raised to be open-minded on the subject of race. Because of this, I don't believe they will struggle with the new information. However, I am concerned about the questions they will ask, how much information to give them about their grandmother's choices and how to deal with their father, who I know will be furious when he finds out. Please help. -- THE TRUTH IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR TRUTH: If your children have questions, answer them honestly. Do not jump the gun and render any opinions about their grandmother and her choices. I'm sure you had your reasons for testing your children's DNA. As to how to deal with your ex's reaction to the fact that you did, let it be his problem. Do not allow him to make it yours.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 20 years. I have used my maiden name since we were married. His daughter still insists on addressing mail to me using my husband's last name, even though I have never used it and have signed documents for her using my correct name.

I have asked him to remind his daughter what my name is. He is very sensitive to anything construed as criticism of his daughter, so I need to know of a diplomatic way to ask again. -- NOT MY NAME IN THE WEST

DEAR NOT MY NAME: Do not ask your husband to do what you need to do. Are you at all close to his daughter? The time has come to do something you should have done well over a decade ago. Talk with her and ask why she persists in doing something she knows annoys you. Is she intellectually challenged? Forgetful? From where I sit, it seems like a passive-aggressive attempt to get your goat.

 

DEAR ABBY: I am five years sober after 35-plus years of drinking. I have recently gotten married and plan a small celebration once COVID-19 slows some more. I'm not comfortable serving alcohol at my wedding since most of my friends are in the AA fellowship. But I am also around people who drink responsibly, including my new wife. Any help is appreciated. -- SERVING ALCOHOL

DEAR SERVING: If the majority of your guests will be members of the AA fellowship, I see no reason why you can't have a sober celebration. If the number is about equal, however, it would be gracious to have alcohol for those who indulge, while providing a generous array of alternatives for yourself and your AA friends.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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