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Roommate With Benefits Is Attracted To Man's Friend

Abigail Van Buren on

DEAR ABBY: I have this dilemma. I'm a woman in my 40s with a good job, and I'm told I am a good catch. About six months ago, I moved in with a man I will call Peter. It started as a roommate situation, but then became friends with benefits. We have both agreed we are not a couple.

The problem is Peter has a friend, Reggie. I like Reggie, and he likes me. We have hung out as a group several times. To the best of my knowledge, Reggie has no idea Peter and I are FWBs.

Reggie recently asked me out to dinner as a date. I can see myself having a real relationship with him, but don't know how Peter will react. Should I accept the invitation? I mean, it's just one date. Also, should I mention it to Peter? -- F.W.B. IN THE SOUTH

DEAR F.W.B.: You and Peter have agreed that you are not a couple. Accept Reggie's offer and be upfront with Peter about it. The only thing that might change would be that Peter will have to find another friend with benefits because the sexual aspect of your relationship with him may be over.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 22-year-old daughter from my first marriage and a 9-year-old son with my husband of 12 years. My husband is 57, and I just turned 41. I would like to have another baby, mainly because I want my 9-year-old son to have someone to grow up with. We have no other family. It's just him and girl cousins, ages 9 and 5. Can you please advise me if my husband and I are OK or too old to have one more child? -- CONSIDERING IT IN THE WEST

DEAR CONSIDERING: I'm glad you wrote. This is something that should be discussed further with your husband to make sure you are on the same page, and also with your OB-GYN.

If your intention is that your children grow up together, this is something that should have happened years ago. As it stands, the 10-year age difference will mean your son will be grown and gone while your younger child is still at home.

A doctor with a specialty in genetics could be helpful as you gather information. It is important that you understand what precautions might be wise to take before making this decision.

 

DEAR ABBY: I care a lot about what friends, family -- even the general public -- do with their money. Specifically, I promote the benefits of owning a home, but I suspect my efforts to educate them may need a more loving approach. I just don't want people I care about to throw their money away to their landlords. Do I need to be more loving and supportive vs. educating? -- COMMUNITY HELPER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HELPER: People usually have good reasons for renting instead of buying. If you keep repeating your advice and it's falling on deaf ears, it's fair to conclude your message isn't being appreciated. A saying widely attributed to Albert Einstein is, Insanity is continuing to repeat an action over and over again but expecting different results. You can volunteer to serve as an adviser, but only if these individuals want to make a change and ask for your help.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order How to Have a Lovely Wedding. Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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