Life Advice



Erika Ettin: How to effectively take a pause on dating apps

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

There are a million reasons why you might want to pause or take a break from dating apps: You’re traveling, you’re overwhelmed, you’ve met someone new. Personally, I love when my clients have to take a pause because they’ve met someone they’re interested in and want to pursue.

But a lot of pauses are just that — a pause. Deleting your profile entirely often means that you have to re-create your profile, upload all your pictures and run into the same people you matched with weeks ago. Pausing, whether it’s a pause that temporarily removes your profile from the app or just hitting “log out,” is a better alternative. Bumble’s Snooze Mode is especially handy: It allows you to set an “away message.” Not all apps work that way, but your communication surrounding your “pause” can set you up to continue exploring your connections when you reopen your online profiles.

How to pause a conversation

A lot of people might hit “snooze” and call it a day. For karma’s sake, I advise my clients to take the extra step and send a farewell message. Everyone on the other side of your conversations has feelings. They spent time sending messages and building a conversation with you. You never know, they could have been one message away from asking you out on a great first date. So it’s best to communicate why you’ll be taking a break.

I would say something like this (assuming it’s true):

“I think I am actually going to explore things with someone I met. I'll keep the match, though, because you never know! Thanks for understanding.”


Keep things simple. The match won’t be left wondering why you stopped talking, and you give yourself the opportunity to revisit things later if need be. This honesty is refreshing for a lot of people, and messages like this are generally well received.

Even if you are taking a pause and not exploring a relationship, sending a quick message to your matches will leave the door open to revisit the connections when you’re ready to date again:

“I’ve really enjoyed our conversation, but I’m going to pause my account for a few weeks to focus on my personal goals. I’ll keep the match, though, and come back better than ever! Thanks for understanding.”

“I like what I’m hearing! I just wanted to let you know that I will be doing a bit of traveling over the next few weeks. Best of luck in the meantime!”


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