Life Advice



Barton Goldsmith: 5 ways to keep your relationship emotionally balanced

Barton Goldsmith, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

Relationships are great when the two of you are in the same emotional place, but that doesn’t always happen. The cause can be biochemical, work may be getting in the way, or your own emotions may be so powerful that they keep you from seeing your partner’s. Here are five ways to get back into balance again.

1. If either one of you gets your feelings hurt, stop and talk about it ASAP. If you are driving, pull over; if you are sleeping, turn on the light. Do not let hurt feelings fester. Most of the time miscommunications can be easily cleared up if you just talk. But letting negative energy continue creates brain chemicals that will make you uncomfortable and cause more difficulty. Just have a little chat instead.

2. Accept that your partner can be happy with you even if they’re not happy with some other aspects of their life. I love my wife, but I don’t always love my life, because sometimes things get complicated or there may be conflicts outside the home I need to resolve. I do all I can to not put any of that on her — and because I’m not being a jerk, she chooses to comfort me. Isn’t that the natural human thing to do?

3. Remember to show your love and appreciation. When I’m doing something intense, like bookkeeping, I can get overfocused and just forget about everything else, including the person I love. The trick here is to rectify it with a big hug and kiss the second you realize what’s going on. Showing your appreciation will remind your partner they are always in your heart, even if not always in your head.


4. Check in with the one you love. For example, do you ask your partner how they are feeling a few times a day? Do you think that’s a bit much? I don’t. As part of a couple, you have to be more concerned about the one you love than about yourself. If you don’t behave this way, other problems will appear and everything will get more difficult. Sometimes our own overthinking can make us a little selfish. So be aware of this, and fix it if needed.

5. Feelings aren’t always correct, so learn how to say “Oops, I’m sorry.” Sometimes we can project uncomfortable feelings onto our partner when something else is going on in our lives that has nothing to do with them. Learn to own those moments, make an apology, and move on. It’s much easier than trying to pretend you didn’t make a mistake and defending your behavior. We all do it, but it’s not OK. Just remember that your relationship is more important than whatever else is going on.

Some days you wake up in a bad mood and you don’t know why. There may be a reason, but it’s not available to you at that moment. This is when you need to choose to take the high road and not let your mood dictate your behavior with the one you love. Being in a relationship isn’t easy, but being in a good one is very rewarding.

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