In this week’s edition of “Ask Erika,” clients ask dating questions ranging from texting to cynicism to closure.
Q: [He] rescheduled our meet for next Saturday, which is no problem, except that all he does is text. I used a variation of the line you recommended: "Sorry for the delays — I'm not a huge texter.” My question, however, is this: Why would a guy want to spend weeks texting instead of meeting? I’m losing interest and beginning to find his witticisms annoying (before they were cute).
— Shannon, 36, Charlotte, North Carolina
A: You know how I feel about overcommunicating before a date! I'm glad you used my line... too bad it's not helping.
I agree — it makes no sense why someone would want to text endlessly before meeting. What was his reason for rescheduling?
Every time you answer, though, it reinforces his desire to text you. Do you feel comfortable nicely saying, "Hey! I'm definitely more into getting to know all about a person in person. Save the good stuff for then!" Or something not-rude that shows you want to meet him but not chit-chat so much before you do. These men (and people in general) shoot themselves in the foot sometimes.
Q: Disappointing news — I think... [She] texted me shortly before our date with this message: "sry, i don't feel comfortable today. i cannot make it today" I fairly quickly texted back and asked if she was available for drinks later in the week, but as now (about three hours since she read the text) there has been no response. I think this probably isn't going to work out and trying to think of how to come off strong, but not scolding her, or should I just delete her from my phone and forget about it?
— Scott, 30, Washington, D.C.
A: While I am all for expressing yourself and your disappointment, she's not worth it. She canceled with no intention of rescheduling. If you do want the closure, just for yourself, here's what I'd write sometime later in the week:
"I just wanted to let you know that I had been looking forward to meeting you. I hope you feel better, and best of luck to you."