Life Advice



Erika Ettin: Ghosts don't deserve your time

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

I have a former (male) client who has what I’ll call a "ghosting pattern.”

He will text someone after a date he thinks went well to ask her out again. She doesn’t answer. He writes to her again. She doesn’t answer again. He writes again (maybe this time on Facebook and LinkedIn, too) … you get it.

While most of us can see she’s obviously not interested, some people just can’t (or don’t want to see it).

For the woman in this scenario, I can’t encourage her strongly enough to use a tactful yet firm form of this: “I’m no longer interested, but I wish you all the best.”

I have tried to get this client to stop sending messages after a non-response (or two).

The woman got the message and made a deliberate choice not to reply. Let’s think about that.


She looked at her phone, saw the text, and decided, “No, I don’t want to reply.” Then she probably blocked him because now he's being creepy with all the texts.

But it still wasn’t getting through.

He thought he still had a chance with her since she never directly said “no.”

Even a few weeks ago, I wrote an article about why we want the person we can’t have with this same client in mind.


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