Life Advice



Erika Ettin: Does chivalry go against equality?

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

In this day and age — #MeToo, wage gap issues, etc. — when it comes to dating, there are two seemingly opposing forces: chivalry and equality. (Please note that in this column, I am defaulting to opposite-sex couples, but similar concepts apply in same-sex couples.)

Chivalry: The guy pays.

Equality: You split the bill because no one is entitled.

Chivalry: The guy holds the door open.

Equality: Whoever gets to the door first holds it open.

Chivalry: The man asks the woman out.


Equality: Whoever wants to ask the other person out should just do it.

No, there’s no question that I’m all for women’s independence, and I believe that women should be paid the same as men in the workplace and have all of the same privileges in life. That doesn’t, however, mean that I believe women and men should have the same place when it comes to dating.

Equal partnership? Yes. But women also have an intrinsic need to feel both pursued and secure.

Does a man need to feel these things, too? I believe men need to feel appreciated, and sometimes needed, but not taken advantage of, especially financially.


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