Life Advice



Erika Ettin: Texting makes dating difficult

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

In terms of confirming, it's best to confirm a day before the date. A text like, "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at 7" should do the trick. Your date will be thrilled to see that you're on the ball. And take the decisive approach rather than the meek, "Are we still on for tomorrow?"

Now, what if someone wants to text before the first date, and not just to confirm? It happens all the time... someone includes his or her phone number on a dating site or app and says, "Text me" or "Reach out to me," seemingly to make communication easier. Does it really make it easier, though? Isn't it just as easy to check your Hinge/Bumble/Coffee Meets Bagel apps as it is a text? If you have your notifications on, which I recommend, then the answer is yes.

Besides the never-ending text relationship that might form with no date in sight, by texting too much before the date, you run the risk of building a false sense of this person in your mind that probably does not equate to what he or she is like in real life.

So, if you're intent on texting before a date, then try to keep these texts to a minimum, with the sole purpose of determining the logistics of the date and confirming. Not to start every morning with "How are you?" That will get old fast.

After the first date, my favorite use of the text is the "thank you" text. If you had a good time and want to see this person again, send a text either later that night or the next day saying something to the effect of, "Thanks again for a fun time last night!" The "thank you" text advice goes for both men and women. Assuming your date had a great time too, seeing your name pop up will put a smile on his or her face. And if someone needs a little encouragement to know that you're interested, the "thank you" will also play that role.

Remember, I'm not saying all texting is bad. In fact, it can be great, like when you're in a relationship to check in with someone during the day or to send an inside joke. The sooner you meet (or these days, connect in some way), the sooner you'll know if there's chemistry. And then text away!



(Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter, for updates and tips.)

(c)2020 Erika Ettin

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.




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