Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Husband prioritizes his training schedule over his wife's health

Carolyn Hax on

Hi, Carolyn:

My husband and I have three kids, 10, 8 and 1 (who was a surprise but is such a blessing). I gained a lot of weight in this last pregnancy. I am in my 40s and had a hard time with my pregnancy emotionally.

My husband dismissed all of my concerns. He basically said to get over it. I think I have some postpartum depression now, but he said it's been a year and I need to get over that, too.

I am overall healthy but need to lose some more weight and need to get my cholesterol in check. My husband has spent this past year training for a half-Ironman competition. I work full time and I am the one who basically takes care of the kids. He works full time, too, and does coach the kids' soccer teams but uses this as a way to work out as well.

I just find him to be so incredibly selfish. I am desperately trying to lose this baby weight -- I have 10 more to go and then another 15 to get back to my old size -- and get healthy per doctor's orders. He will leave early in the morning to exercise and I have no idea when he is coming back. I am often left to make camp/school lunches, get kids ready, etc. He will sometimes take them in the mornings if he is back in time. It is the same on weekends.

I just want to do a 25-minute exercise tape, but he says I should be doing that while I have a babysitter. We have a babysitter for when I am at work. I need that time to commute to my office and actually work. I am also still pumping twice a day, so time is stretched. I often have to work at night after kids are asleep, and quite frankly I don't love working out at night. My job is incredibly stressful as well.


Do you have any suggestions? How can I stop crying all the time or getting so upset and angry because I am so frustrated with him? He isn't going to change, so I need to change myself. How can I change myself to stop having this deep resentment toward him? I welcome any tips.

-- Frustrated

Well wait a second. It sounds like his you-need-to-get-over-it-ism has wormed its way into your soul.

"How can I change myself to stop having this deep resentment"? Wha?


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