Life Advice


Health & Spirit

No matter how many marriages you've had, please don't stay in an abusive relationship

Carolyn Hax on

Dear Carolyn:

I was married to my ex for 20 years when we divorced. I wasn't attractive to him anymore since I gained weight with our three children -- his exact words.

I am now married to a woman. I have found myself on the receiving end of punches from her multiple times, each time with apologies. Recently, I was in our bedroom with the door locked, as I could tell she was angry. She began to beat the door down. Two of my children were home, and I'm guessing they didn't hear what was happening.

When I let my wife in, she punched me and I couldn't catch my breath.

I can't bear the shame of another divorce. I don't know what I'd tell people, what I'd tell my children. I am trying to move on with her, and forgive, but this time feels different. I feel so ashamed that I let myself get here.

-- Anonymous


I'd like the names of everyone on the panel who created the social law that one divorce is acceptable, but two divorces are so harmful to one's record as a human being that the second divorce must be avoided at all costs -- thereby freeing all second spouses to punch the breath from their partners' bodies.

[Tick-tick-tick from my kitchen clock.]

Right. There is no such panel, there are no such social laws, and there is no license for anyone to punch the breath out of anyone except in self-defense.

You loved, you trusted, you tried; you are worthy. Please do not sabotage yourself with shame. The blame for abuse falls to abusers alone for treating natural human vulnerabilities as opportunities to grab power.


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