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Health & Spirit

How to best help a friend suffering from mental illness

Carolyn Hax on

I've read over the past wedding chats before asking, and I think this is a new conundrum, or maybe just a thing to laugh about? Our caterer royally screwed up, and most meat and fish were uncooked. Not under, un-. So, refund. Yay! And because no one ate, no one got sick.

Some not-close-to-us guests, friends of parents, have heavily insinuated that we should refund them for the dinner they left the reception early to get. Which on its own is and eye-roll, whatever, not Worth It. But the 'tude plus the fact that they also went to a fancy restaurant and spent fairly more than our per-person budget ... we're real disinclined.

Parents have offered to support our decision, but if we do it, it's for their sake. Thoughts?

-- Disinclined

Oh for fox's sake. No, you don't have to reimburse guests for their meals after a caterer fail. Gracious people would understand -- reflexively -- that their hosts paid penalty enough, and then some, for having their event ruined.

What is wrong with people.

Dear Carolyn:

A dear friend died very unexpectedly. The service is coming up, and I expect it will be an open casket. I have serious anxiety issues about seeing a dead body.

 

I want to make sure this terrible, awful day will be about the family getting the comfort they need, not me. What can I do, short of averting my eyes?

-- Anonymous

I am so sorry about your friend.

In my experience, open caskets are positioned so that viewing the body is a choice -- but call the funeral home to be sure. Funeral directors tend to be unusually discreet, sensitive people -- their livelihoods depend on it.

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Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

(c) 2019, Washington Post Writers Group

 

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