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Dealing with family's frustration over wedding in Hawaii

Carolyn Hax on

Dear Carolyn:

My fiance and I are planning a Hawaii wedding. We're from the east coast. We would love for all of our family to make the wedding, but we understand some of our family and friends won't be able to make it.

I have an aunt who is notorious for influencing others to make family vacation plans within driving distance because she has a fear of flying. That fear is now interfering with our wedding. She is not willing to come to Hawaii due to that fear, and now her parents and her siblings are frustrated with us for planning a wedding that is not within driving distance.

Are we crazy to think this day should be about us and should be where we want it? Or should we fold and have the wedding somewhere she can drive to it? Am I being an ungracious bride?

My family can't seem to understand there will be an irreparable rift between my aunt and me if she ruins yet another family event.

-- T.

 

Aloha-Oy.

Please, stop. "There will be [a] rift"? Only if you decide to create one, so stop hiding behind the passive voice.

Also stop hiding behind "this day should be about us" rationales for doing whatever you want. Weddings don't suspend the laws of autonomy and consequences. You choose the wedding you want, yes -- and accept the consequences of your choices.

So, destination? Sure. Just take responsibility for whatever comes with that. It's not just about having fewer guests, either. Another consequence is that people will feel annoyed at having to choose between shelling out or missing out.

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