Life Advice


Health & Spirit

She thinks her daughter isn't married because of her clothing choices

Carolyn Hax on


Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

My 35-year-old daughter makes sexy clothing choices that result in her looking trashy. She's unmarried and wonders why. What can I say that will help her wake up?

-- Anonymous

"As your parents, we gave you some messed up ideas on sexuality and a woman's worth. I'm sorry about that, and I hope you can forgive us. You're a wonderful person; not only is that all that counts, but you found your way there on your own in a lot of ways. I wish I'd understood all of this 30 years ago when it really would have helped you."

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Hi, Carolyn:

My husband and I are on a tight budget, so when there is a non-holiday event on my side of the family, I usually travel solo. Some family members usually ask where he is, and I tell them the truth -- he had to work (which I feel is all the info. they need).

Recently, I traveled to a party for one of these family members, and I was met with little comments: "Where's your husband?" "Oh, I guess we'll never see him," etc. This really bothered me since it is a sacrifice for either him or me to travel. I don't feel like I should have to explain my finances, however, I felt really judged by them.

Do you have any advice on how to shut this down? I love my family but at this point I don't want to visit.


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