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Does dating a former friend's ex-husband violate a 'girlfriend code'?

Carolyn Hax on

And she's the one using her current misery, apparently, as an excuse to behave miserably toward you for a second time this decade. "Calling all their friends and calling ... me a hussy"? I hope that's hyperbole; even if you were somehow an agent of her marriage's demise, the backchannel smear is not the path to making herself whole.

So even if I believed in a code, which I don't, there'd be no violation of it here besides hers. She only embarrasses herself with her venom.

She also -- ironically and unwittingly I'm sure -- gives you and her ex more reason to feel joy and relief in your future by shedding new darkness on the past. Just don't get carried away with the possibilities this affords, since they're still joined by their kids. And who wants to profit from pain?

She's inviting you to war. It's up to you not to accept.

Hi, Carolyn:

Today is my dad's birthday. We all forgot ... again.

I have asked him numerous times to just provide a reminder. I always give everyone a heads up before my birthday -- it's a courtesy as everyone is so busy nowadays.

 

So I got a midday "joking" email about how no one wished him a happy birthday. I feel guilty, but this could all be avoided if he just gave his forgetful family a little warning instead of playing this game very year. Thoughts?

-- I Forgot ... Again

In the time you spent writing this question, you could have set yourself five "dad's birthday" reminders on as many different e-platforms. Time to ask yourself who's playing games here and why.

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Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

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