Life Advice

/

Health & Spirit

A tale of two Nanas

Carolyn Hax on

But he doesn't either because you're both throwing down on a name when the real issue is love.

You love your mothers. Your mothers love their grandkids. Your kids love their grandmothers.

So, make this love easier for everyone by being adults and getting out of its way. Hereafter they are not judged for when they were named Nana by whom and how emphatically, and they are not pitted against each other on the grandkid love scale. They're called Nana "Vicki" and Nana "Othername." OK? OK.

Dear Carolyn:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and best friends for over eight years. I recently moved across the country so that we could live together.

His day-to-day lifestyle is not healthy and he chooses to drink and smoke every night. I enjoy a good time, but understand the importance of moderation.

Also, I often find myself waiting for him due to his inability to plan. If I want to eat dinner with him, I have to wait until 10 p.m. It leaves me feeling very lonely.

He says he wants to change but I see no real, consistent signs of this. Are my expectations of healthy living unrealistic? Do you recommend I stay with him until he settles down, or find my own path in this new city?

-- Lovingly Frustrated

--Sponsored Video--

You actually have three choices, not two: Stay and hope he changes; go; or stay and don't hope he changes.

The only truly terrible idea I see here is the first one, agreeing to something and wishing it were something else. It's anti-reality.

Plus, the wisdom of moderation notwithstanding, it's your definition of how a life should be. It's arbitrary. Period. Adults are free to drink and smoke and plan poorly; they just need to live with the consequences.

And the people who love them have to decide whether the person's companionship is worth it, consequences and all.

========

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

(c) 2018, Washington Post Writers Group

 

Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus
 

Social Connections

Comics

Candorville Agnes Barney Google And Snuffy Smith Momma Gary Varvel Strange Brew