Life Advice


Health & Spirit

She'd like to close the gap on their middle-distance relationship

Carolyn Hax on

Hello Carolyn!

My childhood best friend got engaged. We're in our early 20s, but have not been friends for a few years -- more her decision than mine -- after a falling out. Though we eventually had a peaceful discussion about the situation(s), I don't see us resuming a close friendship in the near future.

I still miss her sometimes. Would it be appropriate to send her a card or necklace or other small token to congratulate her on her engagement? I'd like to send something more personal than a text while respecting the boundaries of our relationship. As far as I know, there is no animosity or ill-will between us, so this is mostly a sentimental gesture to show I wish her well in this next stage of life. I'm not expecting an invitation to the wedding, and no hard feelings about that, either.

-- Not-Best-Friend-Anymore

A note would be the most personal, though you send one at the risk of her seeing it as a bid for an invitation, because that kind of cynicism is depressingly common.

Re: Well-Wishes:

Do it right after the wedding. That takes away any [appearance of] angling for an invitation.


Of course, we have all learned here that anything can cause hurt feelings or be interpreted poorly, but we've also learned that we can't control the reactions of others.

-- Anonymous

No argument here. Against myself. Thanks.


Email Carolyn at, follow her on Facebook at or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at

(c) 2018, Washington Post Writers Group



blog comments powered by Disqus

Social Connections


Andy Capp Nick Anderson Crankshaft Meaning of Lila Bob Gorrell Mother Goose & Grimm