Life Advice

/

Health & Spirit

How to fly sister home for the holidays without ruffling feathers

Carolyn Hax on

If your going there (or even flying her to you at this point) isn't feasible, then offer instead to visit her at a better time in the near future. That makes it clear being together is the thing, and you're willing to devote your time and energy to that. An opening move that "flaunts" love, not money, sets the tone for everything else.

Dear Carolyn:

I would love to hear your opinion on sexless marriage ... is it possible? Marriage is a lot more than just sex -- it's about a melting together of families and building a life together -- but my husband's absolute non-interest in intimacy is not changing, and I wonder if I'm greedy to think I need that?

-- Married

Whether it's "possible" is the wrong question.

The right one is whether you're willing to remain in your sexless marriage. You have to decide whether its benefits are worth staying for, or its deficits are worth leaving for -- by your standards only, not by anyone else's.

Meaning, not by the standards of people who know sexless marriages are possible because they're in them, or of people who know sexless marriages are unbearable because they've left them. Because of course there are plenty of both.

 

Your facts, feelings, needs, values.

And, your partnership. Stay or go, your actions affect the course of your husband's life, too, just as his "non-interest in intimacy" now affects yours. Admit to him that you're at a crossroads and why. See whether your partnership can meet the challenge.

"Greedy," though? That's also for you alone to judge -- but I don't think it serves you or your husband to negate your essential self.

========

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

(c) 2017, Washington Post Writers Group

 

Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus
 

Social Connections

Comics

Reply All Scary Gary Aunty Acid Mike Luckovich Fowl Language DeFlocked