Life Advice

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Health & Spirit

Snooping on husband confirms her unhappy marriage

Carolyn Hax on

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

I made the mistake of reading my husband's texts and read many between his family where his sisters made fun of and made disparaging remarks about me and my mother. My husband did not defend me, or tell them to stop. In fact, he encouraged this by participating in the discussion and adding a few insults of his own.

The context is that we have an unhappy marriage and are the parents of two small children, one with significant health issues requiring hours of therapy a week; we both work full time and I am primarily responsible for the kids and house with little help from him.

I shouldn't have read the texts but I did, and now I feel anger at him and his family. I feel sad to be married to someone who doesn't stand up for me, or at least tell them to knock it off.

How can I bring up the texts to him, or is this something I should ignore and get over because they were not meant for me to read?

 

-- Unhappy Eavesdropper

No, you shouldn't have read the texts.

But though you regret the spot it put you in, it's actually the same spot you were in already: You're in an unhappy marriage. That is the beginning and end of it.

All snooping got you was confirmation of your misery -- happy couples don't snoop -- and shame that you stooped to this.

...continued

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