Adapted from a recent online discussion.
What do you think the "recipe" is for men to continue to stay close to their children after a divorce? I have witnessed over and over again men moving on to their next relationship and the relationship with their children gets moved to the back burner.
The recipe is for men to stay close to their children instead of pushing them aside in favor of a new relationship.
That is, if you're the divorced man you're talking about.
If you're the one dating the divorced man, then it's not up to you what he does, but you can choose not to get possessive of his time, and choose to be encouraging and understanding of the importance of his staying involved in his kids' lives.
If you're the ex, then it's not up to you what he does, but you can choose to set aside your anger, share custody, and be as cooperative and flexible as possible when it comes to those arrangements.
If you're the kids, then it's not up to you what he does, but you can do your kid thing and love your parents and recognize the divorce wasn't your fault in any way.
If you're society, then it's not up to you what any given divorced father does, but you can value fatherhood as much as you value motherhood, and support men who take their family responsibilities seriously.
Does that cover it?
This is such a small thing, but it's so annoying. I am the primary cook in our house because I enjoy everything about it and my husband does not. I try not to repeat a single recipe within a three-month period, which means I sometimes have to get creative. I cook roughly four times a week, and almost every meal takes at least an hour to prepare.
Yet my husband's go-to compliment, when he likes something that isn't especially fancy, is, "I like this, it's nice and simple." To him, if something is served cold or is pureed, it is "simple," because he has never tried making most of the recipes I use.
If I were serving tomato soup out of a can, this wouldn't bother me, but it really, really does.
But is it OK to say so? I feel like such a prima donna asking to be recognized for the effort I put into cooking for us, but can I?
-- "Simple" Chef
Yes, since it's a lot better than swallowing your resentment.
So own it: "Is there another adjective you can use? This was actually complicated to make.
"And yes I'm a prima donna, but I'm the prima donna who made dinner.
"If you're looking for alternatives, I'll accept splendid, yummy, dazzling, spectacular, surprising, delicious, delectable, heavenly, exquisite, tasty, yabba dabba doo, or 'hot damn I'm spoiled.'"
You might as well go for it.
For what it's worth: This might in fact be his "go-to hint" that he prefers food that's less ... creative.
Someone who gets enthusiastically cooked for may seem ungrateful for harboring such a preference, and I won't argue otherwise, but if you're both trying to tell each other something without actually saying it, then maybe it's time you encouraged each other to say it.
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