Life Advice

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Health & Spirit

When having a second child means adding a soul-sucking suburban commute

Carolyn Hax on

You need either to "game this out" sober next time, or see your rationalizations for what they are.

I should say, what they're covering up.

"We'd be miserable" -- that's your husband talking.

"That's just life"; "suck it up"; "grow up"; "most people"; "logically"; "spoiled brat" -- that's not you talking so much as it is an intensely self-negating assumed identity trying to talk for you.

And it's not even doing that. Instead, it's just co-opting what you imagine to be the voices of society at large, and using them to shout down what you really believe.

But aren't ready or able to say.

 

You can't make good decisions, though, until you admit -- to yourself, and then to your husband -- the truth you're burying in all of these feints and excuses.

Is it that you want another child, logic and cramped apartments be damned?

Is it that you don't want another child, and feel guilty for thinking that?

Is it that you resent the unyielding either-or of one city kid or two suburban ones?

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