Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Instagram reveals her friends went on vacation without her

Carolyn Hax on

Dear Carolyn:

There is a group of women with whom I've taken weekend trips once or twice a year over the last six years. Back in May, we tossed around possible trip ideas for the summer. Nothing was decided. I saw two of these friends (the third lives in another state) a couple times in June and July and none of us brought up a discussion of a trip.

Fast forward to when I opened my Instagram feed to see the three of them on vacation together. I was floored and devastated. None of them had invited me or even told me about it.

I worked through the hurt and anger I was feeling in therapy, in my 12-step program (Adult Children of Alcoholics) and through journaling. I came to realize these friendships were based in superficiality and heavy drinking, and weren't healthy for me.

I did not reach out to any of them to express my revelation or my hurt feelings. I have heard them "talk smack" about women they used to be friends with and I didn't want to give them any ammo to use against me. I don't trust them.

I've had no contact with any of them until two nights ago when one of them texted me suggesting we get together.


I feel I have to say something. Any advice on how to respond? Do I owe her an explanation if I decline?

-- Feeling Stuck

Congratulations -- you are free.

I'm sorry it hurt you to get there. We've all had that sudden heat and nausea, I'm sure, when our own eyes tell us we're not wanted by the very people we count on to want us. Who can't summon that feeling like it was yesterday?


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