Life Advice

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Health & Spirit

Recovering liar seeks an authentic life

Carolyn Hax on

The other path leads to treating your boyfriend's weakness not as a bad thing, but instead as a thing that will be good eventually and he just needs to fix it, yeah, no problem. This is how people find themselves mid-divorce 10 years later and marveling that the marriage-ending problem was one they'd known about all along and yet signed up for anyway.

You don't want to be on either path. Neither does he. You're out of balance already.

So no more rationalizations.

Instead, speak only for yourself: "When you decide not to say no to your mom, I end up in the awkward spot of having to host them while you're busy at work. That's not fair to me -- or to your parents, for that matter."

Then, see whether (and how) he speaks for himself in response to your concerns.

Then see whether you, he, and the power balance in this relationship are healthy enough to hold up under the pressure of forceful moms and passive dads and overloads of work. Not when he "grows up" -- now. When they are, in general, I suspect you'll find your demeanor takes care of itself.

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Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

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