Life Advice


Health & Spirit

She's moved on, but ex sees her as 'the one who got away'

Carolyn Hax on

Dear Carolyn:

My husband and I want to have kids soon. The problem is that my job is grant-funded from year to year, so it's unclear what my situation will be next year at this time. I am also looking for jobs. My husband is considering joining the military as an attorney. We wouldn't have a definitive answer until about nine months from now. Then, if he's accepted and he completes training, we'd likely have to move and I'd need to find another job.

Everyone keeps telling me there is never a perfect time to have a baby, so part of me thinks we should go for it and part of me thinks that would be financially irresponsible. Any thoughts?

-- Right Time?

There is never a perfect time to have a baby.

There are responsible and irresponsible ones, though, you're right. So: Are you saving money? Do you have a cushion? Do you have a place to go if you bottom out? Have you developed wise spending habits? Can you adjust your circumstances and lifestyle to get by on one salary, just in case? With a baby?

And if work is a must: Are your skills portable from one area to the next or one career field to the next? If not, can you retrain now (at community college, say) for a more portable career? Can you become an independent contractor or work remotely?

The military is "real stability," by the way -- it's just of a different kind from the one you're accustomed to.


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