Life Advice


Health & Spirit

She's moved on, but ex sees her as 'the one who got away'

Carolyn Hax on

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

What am I supposed to do about an ex who regrets calling off our wedding? It was a few years ago, and I married someone else (two years after the split) and we have a family. My ex never married and is still single in his late 40s.

As with every communication I get from a regretful ex or an ex who wants to "just talk," I chalk it up to loneliness and/or boredom, i.e., nothing to do with me personally. Ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore, right?

-- Anonymous

No chalking up necessary, with this or any ex, because what any of them feels is no longer relevant to you.

Maybe an ex or two really did miss out or really does think you're awesome -- but, you know what? Not relevant.

So, of course you can choose not to respond to an ex who pops up with an email or text or call out of the blue. If you're forced to respond by circumstance -- say, you run into each other at a party or something -- then just say it's in the past and you are not interested in revisiting it, then excuse yourself for a bathroom run/drink refresher/"Oh, there's Mazie, excuse me -- good to see you."

Right? There isn't more to this on your end, is there?

Obviously if all parties involved are open to friendship, then that's a different answer -- one that doesn't start with a question about guys who see you as the one who got away.


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