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Health & Spirit

Should adult daughter be given 'sleepover benefits' with boyfriend?

Carolyn Hax on

Of course you can just say it's your home, your rules -- heads of households have that prerogative. And some people really do find black-and-white to be the best colors for their parental worldview.

But people with comfortably gray value systems often go black-and-white in discrete situations just because it's easier to do that than it is to come up with a more nuanced, gray-friendly solution that stands up over time and remains applicable in many different scenarios. And I think copping out like that tends to come back to bite people when future gray situations come up.

So, yeah. What's your message? That's my message.

Re: Sleepless:

There are plenty of reasons they might want to share a room that don't involve sex -- for instance, meeting your significant other's family is a stressful experience, and there's always the opportunity for misunderstandings. Having a shared room lets your daughter and her boyfriend talk these issues out together in privacy. If they're both still in college, they might not be able to afford to get a hotel room. It might even be a big deal for him to travel to see your family.

They're doing a nice thing by reaching out to you in this way. Do you want to feel welcoming? If not, there should be a really good reason for it, not just one that you can articulate, but which is backed up by your values and the way you've always lived your life.

-- Perspective

Re: Sleepover:

 

This is a hard issue to face given the physical and emotional negatives of casual sex. Isn't this a big consideration?

-- Anonymous

Sex between adults in an established relationship isn't "casual sex." So, no.

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Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

(c) 2017, Washington Post Writers Group

 

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