Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Is it OK to delay pregnancy for a career deadline?

Carolyn Hax on

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

I have this job. I really, really love this job. Sometimes I resent how consuming this job is, but I do love it.

My husband stays home with our toddler, which works well for all three of us.

We had been planning to try to get pregnant again next month. But some work deadlines shifted, and from a work perspective it's suddenly better to wait a few more months. Not "or I might lose my job" better. Just "to maximize my performance" better.

So, part of me wants to wait. It's just a couple of months, right?

But another part feels guilty and ashamed for prioritizing work ahead of family ... and I know for sure my husband will resent having to wait. So much of our household already revolves around this job.

Yes, I do know nobody can ever really plan these things -- we might start trying next month and try for a year. And yes, I do know this "problem" emerges from extraordinary privilege. Still, I gotta decide, and I feel really, really stuck. Any suggestions for an approach?

-- Congenital Overplanner

It is just a couple of months, yes, and it's better for all of you not to be stressed -- so wait. There's no need to let the principle of the thing ruin some perfectly good pragmatism.


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