Life Advice

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Health & Spirit

Broke boyfriend prioritizes drugs over job-hunting

Carolyn Hax on

Dear Carolyn:

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and everything's been great. He's loving, caring and understanding. Our relationship, overall, is healthy.

But recently I have started noticing a growing resentment toward my boyfriend, because I'm always paying for most things. When we go out to the movies he'll pay for his ticket and I'll pay for my ticket, the snacks, and the food if we go out to eat after because he doesn't have any more money. At school, he'll only have a dollar or so for the bus, so I'll pay for his lunch. One time he asked if I wanted to go eat at McDonald's, so I assumed he was going to pay and left my wallet at home. When we got there he realized he only had $3 and asked if I had brought my wallet.

He doesn't have a job, and when he looks for one he doesn't try very hard, it seems. He says no one wants him because he doesn't have experience nor a car, but he doesn't bother to go job-hunting. He just applies to a few places online. He has a car, but he lost the key to it about a year or two ago and it doesn't work anymore due to the fact that it's just been parked in his driveway. Instead of saving up his money, he spends it on weed.

This has been going on since the beginning, but it just started bothering me and it's starting to affect our relationship. I do love him and I don't expect him to pay for everything all the time, but it would be nice if he would take me out on a date at least once where he pays for everything without worrying if he'll have enough. I have brought it up to him and he was very understanding and said he'd work hard to change, but I feel like until he finds a job, this resentment will keep growing. Am I shallow for this?

-- Anonymous

Your boyfriend is a loving, caring, understanding person who barely functions.

Singeth my forehead, "Hello keyboard my old friend."

And no, it is not "shallow" of you to regard it as a setback that his car is a driveway ornament and being high is his top priority. Your misgivings are, on the contrary, the most promising thing about your letter, because the rest has me afraid.

Why are you doubting yourself? Why so little respect for your own feelings?

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