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Health & Spirit

Boyfriend's secret marriage deters her, but only slightly

Carolyn Hax on

Dear Carolyn:

I was sexually and mentally attracted to this guy for 12 years. We used to have the best times together, then suddenly he seemed a little standoffish, though I continued to be sexually involved with him.

I find out he got married while we were still sleeping together. He had been married six months before I even found out about it.

I still love him. His wife is extremely bougie and he is not that type. He is like me -- just likes to laugh and enjoy life. He is constantly calling, telling me he misses all the fun we had and the laughs.

I don't know what to do, but I do know I can't sleep with him now, knowing he's married.

-- Anonymous

Yeah, that's the big deterrent. His "marriage."

That he's a liar, a taker, a manipulator, a bad boyfriend, an even worse husband and an overall selfish lout is all just inconvenient.

Or maybe the strong possibility you two deserve each other is what supersedes all of these other excellent reasons not even to crack the door open to this loser again.

Look at your own behavior here: His wife is "bougie"? Are you serious? You're blaming this on her? Dutifully repeating whatever nasty thing he says about his wife, siding with a guy who sleeps with one woman, secretly marries another, and bashes the latter to keep the former on a string, and against the woman who is even more of his victim than you are?

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