Life Advice


Health & Spirit

When Does One Need Help?

Carolyn Hax on

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

I am a 32-year-old, married-with-children, educated professional who on outward appearances should have no reason to be miserable. However, I am.

Some recent events have triggered deep self-esteem issues that were probably always with me but now I can't seem to get over. I feel I am unlikable, unlovable and that no one really cares about me. I am possessed by irrational thoughts that I am worthless.

No one in my life really seems to be able to help me move forward. I think I need help but am scared and not sure if my issues are serious enough to warrant it.

I definitely think my self-esteem issues are starting to impact my marriage and family. In addition, I see this as a cycle that my mom also suffers from, and I don't want to inflict it upon my children. At what point is there a solid basis for counseling? I am afraid to call a counseling place and have them shun me for not having serious enough issues.


-- When Does One Need Help?

"No one in my life really seems to be able to help me move forward": rock-solid grounds for counseling.

No reputable "counseling place" will shun you, ever. Your fear of that, in fact, sounds like depression talking, as do a few other remarks (feeling unlikable and "possessed by irrational thoughts," nothing you try is working, mom had similar issues ... ).

Please know that whatever ails you, it's exactly what counseling is for -- and a therapist knows that. Do your homework to find a quality provider with whom you feel comfortable, and then be patient with the process of getting well.


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