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Ask Amy: In-law’s contact with the ex rattles the family

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

– Biting My Tongue

Dear Biting: If your friend “Candace” consistently talks about her friend “Shelley’s” drinking, this would provide an opening for you to segue to her drinking. She might be bringing up this topic as a sort of a trial balloon – testing the waters to see if you will react.

The way to bring this up is to be respectful, concerned, frank, and fair: “I know that ‘Shelley’s’ drinking bothers you, but I have to be honest and say that your drinking worries me.”

The most important aspect of discussing your friend’s drinking is for you to detach from your own desired outcome. Candace will not suddenly smack her head in awareness and run toward recovery.

Denial is a powerful side effect of addiction. The alcoholic needs to believe that their addiction serves them. The silence of friends and family members perpetuates the fiction: There’s nothing to see here!

Dear Amy: “Bothered in the Bridal Party” felt slighted because his friend the groom demoted him from being “best man” at his wedding and then jokingly referred to him as his “best man,” while calling the replacement best man (and future brother-in-law), as the “better man.”

I think both of you failed to catch the joke, which is that the “better” man is the lesser of these options: Good man, better man, best man.

 

The brother-in-law is the target of this jab.

– A Fan

Dear Fan: I think you cracked the code (yes, I missed it), and I hope this “best man” can see it this way.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.


 

 

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