Ask Amy: In-law’s contact with the ex rattles the family
We do not want this dynamic to continue.
– Disturbed
Dear Disturbed: The way you describe this situation, your husband’s ex is the gatekeeper, controlling access to his grown children – or at least, your mother-in-law perceives it that way.
Ongoing contact with your husband’s ex makes you uncomfortable, but you can’t insist that it stop. Unless your mother-in-law is inviting the ex to family events, forcing her into proximity with you and your husband, you really have no say in how she chooses to conduct this relationship.
Your husband should work on maintaining a relationship with his sons. If he has a good relationship with them, his mother might not have to go through his ex to spend time with her grandsons.
Dear Amy: My friend, “Candace” consistently says things about herself that just aren’t accurate. For example, she drinks over two bottles of wine every night and then trash talks a friend of hers for drinking too much.
She’ll say things like, “I like my wine, but I’m not an alcoholic like “Shelley,” or, “Shelley drinks too much and gets argumentative” (Candace does, too!).
I don’t say anything, but I believe that she might take my silence as agreement.
I know we are all, including myself, guilty of not seeing ourselves as we really are.
Do you have any suggestions on how to respond or push back politely when this happens consistently with someone – or is just being silent the best way to go?
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