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Ask Amy: A dad is disappointed by his son’s ingratitude

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

As a parent, you’ve no doubt encouraged your son to consider the consequences of his behavior. He’s probably paid attention to you when you’ve warned him about drinking and driving or the dangers of credit card debt.

You’ve taught him (made him) write thank you notes to acknowledge gifts (an especially trenchant lesson from a dad, who will sometimes leave this task to someone else), but I wonder if the lesson might be effective if you said: “Son, here’s a pro-tip: If you want people to be kind and generous toward you in the future, then you must express your gratitude. If you don’t, they’ll think you’re a jerk. There are other big gift-receiving moments down the pike for you. Keep that in mind.”

He might not care right now if family members think he’s a jerk, but you’ve raised him well, so he eventually will care.

Thank you notes are great – and always appropriate. Nicely worded texts/emails are sufficient (especially when they include a photo) – but honestly, I think a phone call is a joy. And doing this belatedly is far better than not doing this at all.

Unlike when he was a child, you can’t make him do the right thing. He’ll have to figure it out on his own.

Dear Amy: Our oldest daughter is in her 40s.

 

She has had a difficult time since she was a teenager. Nothing awful (no drugs), just an inability to focus on adjusting to the realities of life.

Although a very bright girl, It took her 10 years to finally finish college.

She was able to get a great job in a metro area with a computer firm where she worked for eight years.

Then after a few months of complaining, she left to move to another city. In desperation, she got a job delivering pizzas just so she could afford rent.

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