Ask Amy: Man witnesses assault, wonders what to do
I couldn't even bring myself to tell him congratulations.
Should I feel guilty for not wanting to attend the wedding or spend time with the two of them together?
– Still Sad
Dear Sad: My condolences on your mother’s death. This is a loss you will be processing in many different ways for a long time. There is no one way to grieve her loss, but one thing you may be discovering now is how closely sadness and anger seem to reside.
My point is that “sad” can sometimes feel like “mad,” and I think it could help you to realize this.
There is evidence that men tend to partner-up quickly after a loss. Why is this?
Sometimes, experiencing a sudden and tragic loss leaves a person grasping for life. People who have been happily partnered for decades crave the sort of comfort and stability they’ve experienced.
Men often benefit from their wives being skilled domestically, in addition to being the emotional caretakers of the family. They want more of that.
And maybe people who remarry quickly are trying their hardest to avoid the kind of pain you are experiencing, now.
You should communicate honestly with your father. You’ve never met the woman he is marrying, so be honest about your own feelings without judging him – or her. Simply express your ongoing sadness and tell him that you know he deserves to be happy, but that this is hard on you.
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