Ask Amy: An abuse survivor wonders about disclosure
Dear Mom: I don’t suggest initiating a discussion about this with your children unless there is some meaningful context, and until you are prepared for a wide spectrum of responses, ranging from compassion toward you – to blaming you for disparaging their grandparents after their death.
It would be wisest to start by discussing your childhood trauma with your siblings. They are your peers and fellow survivors. They might have made disclosure choices with their own families that would influence you.
Understand that your children might view this as a bombshell and not quite know what to do with your revelations.
Do approach this frankly as a successful survivor, responding honestly to questions: “What was Grandpa like when you were young?”
“It was rough for us. I’m glad that he was a much kinder grandfather.”
I do suggest initiating an open and frank conversation about alcohol abuse in your childhood.
Alcoholism can manifest as a family disorder, and your children should be aware of the alcoholism in their family.
Trying to repair the relationship with your son should be a priority. I don’t believe you would necessarily build a bridge by talking about your childhood experiences, but by encouraging him to talk about his own, and then taking it from there.
You mention that your children may have sought therapy. A therapist would help you to work through this process, now.
Dear Amy: I attended a large celebration event at a public venue. All of the (many) gifts were placed on a table.
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