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Ask Amy: Troubled teen’s stealing is the last straw

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

– Anxious Parents

Dear Anxious: I suggest that you toughen your spines while you also toughen the way you love your daughter.

Some of her behavior falls into the “self-harm” category, and you parents should seek the advice of her therapist and psychiatrist to determine whether she might need intensive, possibly residential treatment. A neuropsychological evaluation might be helpful.

You should also find an experienced family systems therapist for yourselves.

Your daughter’s behavior and defiance might be her way of quite literally crying out for help, so rather than hugging it out and then feeling personally betrayed when she immediately defies you, you should very firmly and lovingly heed the alarm.

You don’t note what consequences you are leveling in response to her behavior, but one consequence should be that she must attend her therapy sessions, regardless of whether she wants to. She cannot be in charge of herself right now, and so you must step up and be in charge of her.

 

You don’t say what she is doing with the money she has been stealing, but she could be abusing drugs or alcohol.

She might be responding or reacting to a trauma in her own life that you have no knowledge of.

My overall point is that in my opinion this is not normal teenage tomfoolery that you will laugh about later. At this point you are fighting to preserve her future.

Don’t fight with her – fight for her.

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