Ask Amy: High-maintenance friend is a drama-drain
Am I a bad friend?
– Bad Friend
Dear Bad Friend: The only “bad” thing you’ve done is to possibly delay “Charlene’s” recovery by offering advice, but not giving her the unvarnished truth.
Understand that as long as she has you as her soft and non-judgmental place to fall, she doesn’t need to face the underlying source of her drama.
Try some non-judgmental honesty: “I’m exhausted by this drama. I’ve tried to help you, but I’ve failed. At this point, I just hope that when you’re ready to change, you will.”
Dear Amy: My family and I live in my mother-in-law's house. It works out well for all. I have a concern about my mother-in-law, however.
She writes a check to pretty much any charity that asks. She doesn’t give large amounts – just $10 or $20, for the most part. But, of course, those same charities send a never-ending barrage of mail, and now, seemingly every other charity in the country has been sold her address and sends her solicitations.
Giving to charity is not the problem. I believe many of these charities are not using her money wisely, or are completely random charities in far-flung places that have nothing to do with the many causes that might actually affect her life.
We tell her that, in some (not all!) cases, she's just throwing money away – that for every $10 she sends, maybe $1 or $2 make it to someone in need.
We suggest that she choose one or two causes that are very dear to her and give only to them, even in much larger amounts that might equal what she gives to all of these various organizations, added together.
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