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Ask Amy: A fire brings on Grandma’s solid ‘burn’

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Also – I assume that the horticultural advice you dispense to strangers is solicited, in that these other people subscribe, tune in, or seek you out.

I have a Post-it note over my computer that says, “All unsolicited advice is self-serving.” It makes you feel good to help! It also speaks to your well-earned expertise. But oftentimes, people receive unsolicited advice as mainly a spotlight on their own challenges and they take this advice as a tacit critique.

If your husband asks for your help or advice, then offer it. If he doesn’t ask, you’ll have to tolerate your own immense discomfort of watching his mistakes wither on the vine.

Many people learn best by doing – and by stubbornly making their own mistakes. Gardening is in its own category of learning-as-you-grow (in my opinion), because the novice gardener’s blunders reveal themselves in a painfully slow fashion, and often can only be corrected the following season.

Dear Amy: I have two words of advice for all of the enabling parents who reach out to you for advice: Tough love!

– Robert

 

Dear Robert: Love doesn’t always need to be tough, but it can seem that way when people create reasonable boundaries and let their loved ones learn from enduring their own struggles.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.


 

 

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