Ask Amy: Grandmother’s problems should prevent visits
Dear Amy: I have been with my boyfriend for four years. Our daughter recently turned three. He also has a daughter from another relationship. She is 15.
My boyfriend is white. I am Black. His older daughter's mother is biracial.
My boyfriend’s mother, “Shelly,” has a long history of drug and alcohol abuse.
She also has a habit of calling us when she is in an altered state and crying about other issues in her life.
Recently, we had a birthday party for our daughter. Shelly attended.
My parents take care of our daughter during the day. She sees a speech therapist, occupational therapist, and a behavioral therapist during the week.
Our daughter puts her fingers in her ears when noises are too loud and overwhelming for her. She did this several times throughout her party.
Afterward, Shelly called my boyfriend (while high) and said that her feelings were hurt because our daughter put her fingers in her ears when she was trying to talk to her. She said that our daughter is unsocialized/uncivilized because she is Black.
For me, this was the last straw. Since our daughter’s birth, her grandmother has excluded her, neglected to treat her as well as her other grandchildren, and has overall been a troublesome, toxic presence.
He doesn't want to cut ties with his mother, and I would never ask him to. He is conflicted about this.