Ask Amy: Ex-husband thinks it’s time to apologize
– Regretful but Happy
Dear Regretful: You say that you and your ex now have a cordial relationship, and so a note from you wouldn’t necessarily create a problem for her.
Your impulse to apologize, make amends, or work on paying down your Karmic debt is laudable. Despite the fact that your children are advising you to “let things be,” I hope you choose to do this.
Sample thoughts you might use: “Over time I’ve come to understand how immature and selfish I was.” “You absolutely deserved better, and I appreciate that you seem to have found a far better partner than I was to you.” “Thank you for raising our children so well.” “I am so sorry for the pain I caused you and the kids.”
You might want to end your note with this thought: “I don’t need any acknowledgment from you, but I hope you receive this in the spirit I intend it – as a sincere apology.”
It is important that you detach completely from any expectations regarding the outcome. If your apology angers her and she responds harshly, then – maybe she needed to do that, and you needed to hear it.
Dear Amy: I started dating “Iris” five months ago.
We’ve seen each other two to three times a week and have gone on trips together.
Recently she decided to stop drinking, as it was becoming a problem for her.
I support her completely. In the five to six weeks since she stopped drinking, I have seen her only three times, and for only about an hour or so.
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