Ask Amy: Marrying couple masters the art of asking
Dear Amy: My son and his girlfriend just announced their plans to marry this year. It is the first marriage for both of them and we couldn’t be happier.
We were very surprised, however, when they asked us what contribution we would make toward the wedding.
I had always understood that wedding expenses were the responsibility of the bride’s family, and said so, but they said that was an “out-of-date” custom.
We were blindsided and don’t know how to respond.
Her family is generously giving them a healthy sum to use for wedding, honeymoon, etc. This should be more than enough to cover the wedding costs.
We will host the rehearsal dinner (a traditional groom’s family responsibility) and plan on giving them a nice check for a wedding gift (but not as much as the bride’s contribution).
A couple of years ago, we gave our son most of the down payment on the house they now live in together and feel we have done our share already. That gift was roughly double the funds the bride’s family is giving.
Are we hopelessly out of date?
How do we manage their expectations without causing ill-feelings?
– Dated Parents