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Ask Amy: A decade later, age becomes an issue

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: About 10 years ago, I very briefly dated someone who was 15 years younger than me — I was 38 and he was 23.

He pursued me. The age difference bothered me from the beginning, and I told him repeatedly that I didn’t want to date because of it. I was also dealing with suicidal depression, was unable to work, and didn’t want to date anyone.

He persisted for months and eventually wore me down (he texted and called daily, showed up at my house uninvited, and made his case through mutual friends. He even had his parents call me to tell me that they approved).

We dated for about two months. We had nothing in common. He and his friends were heavy drinkers and drug users, and my depression worsened.

Ultimately, I ended it (kindly). It shouldn’t have been a surprise to him. The entire time we dated, I told him - and all my friends and family - that I was uncomfortable with the age difference and with dating anyone at that time.

My health improved and I moved about 1,000 miles away. We haven’t been in touch for 10 years.

 

Recently, he contacted me on social media and said his therapist is suggesting there had been an inappropriate power imbalance because of the age difference and that he had been unable to consent - all very #metoo ideas.

I haven’t responded. I am alarmed because, well, it’s not accurate.

I work in the media now and am a little worried about being canceled. But I’m more concerned that he feels this way.

Should I respond?

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