Life Advice



Ask Amy: Long-term grudge earns a penalty for 'holding'

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Holding: You have done everything you can to try to bring your father to the table. And now you are learning that the guy who abandoned his wife and son many years ago also lacks the capacity to own his actions, apologize, and try to make things right for you or your kids.

When you think carefully about it – this all tracks.

Your father is sorry that you feel this way, but he is not brave enough to inspire you to feel differently.

You are holding a grudge, and with every effort you make, you hold your grudge tighter, so I’m going to call a penalty on this play for “Holding.”

Go back five yards. Loosen your grip, because this grudge, and the anger you feel, is one more way your father is hurting you.

Let it go now, and you will experience true liberation.


You deserved better than you got, and you are doing what good parents everywhere strive to do: You are giving your children better than you had.

You win.

Dear Amy: My daughter "Samantha" has a lovely home.

She and my son-in-law are wonderful people.


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