Ask Amy: Reconnection inspires worrisome conduct
Dear Amy: I recently reconnected with a man I was engaged to, many years ago. We have not gotten together in person because we live several hours away from one another and are both in our 70s.
The problem is that he blames me for a break-up that happened 50 years ago! (His perception is incorrect, by the way.)
We do love one another and spend hours texting together.
It is a "virtual romance," and we are happy with that, but his constant reference about how I destroyed his life gives me a debilitating migraine, and I can't function afterward for 24 hours!
I have told him that I'm not responsible for how he lived his life after we parted, but he simply says that he's sad, and then we move forward, only to have the same outburst (all caps, as though he is shouting) happen within the next day or two.
How can we resolve his anger management issues without breaking up again?
– Frustrated Old Lady
Dear Frustrated: I’m not sure I can help you to help this man resolve his anger issues. That’s his job.
Is he experiencing some cognitive decline? Does he have untreated anxiety? Is he drinking when he does this? If so, he should take on the responsibility of taking care of his health.
His reasons for behaving this way are actually immaterial.