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Ask Amy: Teen besties might not be a good match

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

She also gets mad when I am interested in anyone else.

I don't know what's going on.

Is she really just joking? Is she controlling?

– Uncomfortable

Dear Uncomfortable: If “Lizzie” is isolating you and gets angry and jealous when you hang out with anyone else then yes, this is controlling behavior. This dynamic is not healthy for either of you.

It sounds as if Lizzie has always been the “Alpha” of the two of you, meaning that she dominates the friendship. Now that you’re older, this behavior is getting more extreme, perhaps because she senses or is afraid that she is losing control over you.

 

No one should touch or try to “cuddle” you if you don’t want them to. You must speak up. Be real and honest: “I don’t want to hold hands.”

You could ask Lizzie, “Are you joking when you do stuff like that, or do you have romantic feelings for me?”

If she says she is joking, accept that as her answer. You can add, “I definitely want to stay in the friend zone, like we’ve always been.”

You should also try to talk about your friendship. Tell her that she is really important to you, but that you also want to branch out and bring new people into your circle. Encourage her to do the same.

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