Ask Amy: Dater fears he will never be a player
What the heck does that even mean?
Not long after that she showed her character by ghosting me, so I’m comforted by the fact that I didn’t lose much.
– Confused by Women
Dear Confused: You seem to excel at the mechanics and dynamic of wooing: (Third-date dinner and a play? Well done!)
I can’t speak for all women (or even some women), and yet – the dynamic you describe as baffling seems – to me – to be simple human nature. When you retreat a bit, creating space, another person will instinctively move forward.
All the same, developing a sexual/romantic relationship can seem like participating in a tennis match choreographed by Twyla Tharp. You volley, she returns. You advance, she meets you at the net. You step back, she does a grand jete.
You have done nothing wrong. You noticed a pattern and communicated about it. She then told you exactly what you needed to know: when you held back, it created a desire in her.
Her return text might have brought on a round of fun flirtation. Instead, you seem flummoxed.
There are times when two people simply crash together. This is rare and wonderful.
For all of those other times, I suggest that you initiate less kissing and instead do more … leaning. Physical closeness, eye contact, a touch on the arm will telegraph your interest. If she’s into you, she’ll show it. You should let her.