Ask Amy: New friendship takes an asexual turn
– Adrift
Dear Adrift: I hope my take on this will help to illuminate things for you.
You did nothing wrong. He did nothing wrong.
You have not been dumped. You have been confronted – very awkwardly – with the conflicted thoughts and feelings of a man who (it’s quite possible) cannot fathom having an emotionally intimate friendship without it becoming sexual.
My theory is that your friend has jumped into this close friendship, which doesn’t hew to the usual playbook of his other friendships (with men), where he exchanges greetings and sports scores for several years, before moving on to more personal topics, like the weather.
(I realize this is an extreme exaggeration of the stereotype but bear with me.)
Do you remember the juvenile “comeback” from childhood: “I know you are, but what am I?”
He is now asserting – way too emphatically – that he is not and never will be attracted to you, because his previous experiences with friendship have not prepared him for a unique friendship without a sexual component.
The fact that he might actually be attracted to you is another dilemma for another day.
Talk about it!
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