Life Advice



Ask Amy: Online match wants to show up at the office

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Stay or Go: Never, ever, show up at a woman’s workplace. Ever.

You and this woman know each other virtually, but you two are still essentially strangers. It is a violation of the (unwritten) rules of online matching to show up at someone’s home or workplace without permission or a prearrangement. Don’t do it.

In this situation, your online friend’s life is much more complicated than yours. Her choice to break dates and her increasing distance from you means that it is time for you to move on, because she has already done so.

It can be challenging to read another person’s cues when you are meeting virtually. This is why I always suggest meeting for a casual daytime date as soon as possible after a virtual match, when there is mutual interest to meet.

Dear Amy: My brother died and left me a substantial inheritance.

I found out when my sister-in-law, the executor, sent me a check for a smaller portion of the money, along with a letter about what a terrible human I am – outlining mistakes I made 45 years ago (as a teenager), as well as a detailed account of mistakes made by my deceased parents, my other brother and his children, etc.


Included was a separate letter for my husband detailing his mistakes, along with her comment that we are getting “what we deserve” in having to care for my in-laws at home while they suffer with advanced dementia.

I did not give my husband that letter.

In order to obtain the remainder of my inheritance, I had to sign a legal document agreeing not to sue her, the estate, or the law firm overseeing the process.

I am full aware that my sister-in-law must be in great pain to lash out in this way.


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